We all love and breathe by the language of love. As humans, we possess an innate quality to share and shower love on our fellow beings. But when the life of such loved ones end, our whole world turns upside down. Life suddenly starts to lose its meaning and it becomes harder and harder to express or share how you feel to the others. There is anger, pain and hopelessness all around you, but it all comes down to the bitter realisation that life must go on.
We must learn to rise back and live life, for that is the dream our loved ones have always had for us. We must take care of ourselves, along with the others around us who share our grief. That's where the loss gets honoured.
Even though there are million reasons, convincing enough to take life forward, it may all seem standstill. The haywire emotions may stop you from thinking straight, but remember to fight it. We must remember to fight for our own wellbeing and dedicate ourselves for understanding and actualizing the healing process for the sake of loss and love, alike.
Here are a few tips thay may help you:
1. Let go of the guilt
The toughest part of grieving is seperating yourself from the grief itself. You may find it hard to accept that the person is no more, which is almost, always, followed by the guilt that you may be the reason why. You may feel like it happened because of your ignorance. You may think about all things that went wrong and blame it all on you.
But remember that if something is meant to go wrong, it will and we may not always be in a situation to stop it from happening. Begin by accepting your loss and that nature has had its way with your life. For, we are only humans and we could only do the things that are in our power.
2. Give time for yourself to heal
Learning to live a life without your loved one may seem almost impossible. When you try and progress along that learning, it may all seem slow. It may take a few days, months or even years together. What is important is that the slow route brings a lasting impact on you and your perception on life.
Remember to stay away from anyone or anything that rushes you along your process. No one is going to keep a score of your betterment, and if someone does, they're just not right to stay by your healing phase. Never allow yourself to feel that you'll be like this forever. Dwell in the hope of a better tomorrow.
3. Remember that it's okay to take a break
Tough times call for some special care-- not from someone else but you yourself. Invest your time in doing things that have a positive impact on you--the things that make you heal better. Try a new hobby, art sessions or simply hit a gym. Break off from the everyday routine and invest your time in new activities. If required, take a little time off from your work and go on a solo trip. Stay at a friend's house or relocate to a new place to break off from the places and memories that make you tear up. But remember, once you've made peace with your mind, you must come back and step in the next part of your healing journey.
4. Learn to live with their memories
As much as it is advised to leave a place or anything else that reminds you of the memories with the loved one, it is important to embrace them. Once the initial stages of resentment have passed, you would find your mind in a mature state that is ready to look at things differently. The home that made you cry about the person will begin to make you remember all the happy moments you had with them. You will learn to smile again. You will joke about how they did things the way they do and collect everything that reminds you of them. If it doesn't go this way, make sure it does. Because, thay way, their memories will no more be painful to you. It will be the time you feel their presence with their memories.
5. Accept your new self
With the loved one, you may be a different person. You may be in a more independent state and that independence may surprisingly bring you more positive experiences you wouldn't have imagined otherwise. Step out with a new perspective and meet new people along the way. Share your learnings to the people who may need your help and spread positivity.
Remember that even if things turn the bitter way, you'll always come through it. Your old friends may not understand you, your home may not look as clean as before, you may have forgotten your old recipes or you may not even realise the changes that have occurred on you. In the end, its all okay or atleast it will be, eventually. For, this is the new "you".
A little advice on the things you can avoid:
1. Refrain from impulsive reactions
2. Avoid emotional triggers
3. Detach yourself from negative people
4. Never compare yourself with others
5. Do not hesitate to get help
If you're in need of professional help, do not hesitate to reach a Psychological counsellor. Remember that mental health is crucial for the overall well-being.
Let's spread positivity!
A blog by Akshaya Muralikumar
Architect | Writer | Psychology Graduate
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